Solomon was asked by God how he wished to be blessed. He could have asked for wealth, power, long life, or any number of other things that humans desire. Instead, he sought the wisdom to rule God’s people well. This response pleased God and he gave Solomon wisdom superior to any other ruler as well as many of these other blessings as well!
As King, he would be called upon to resolve many disputes between citizens, and he was famous for his insight into how to resolve them.
The Dispute
One such dispute arose over the parental rights of a child.
The one woman said, “Oh, my lord, this woman and I live in the same house, and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. Then on the third day after I gave birth, this woman also gave birth. And we were alone. There was no one else with us in the house; only we two were in the house. And this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. And she arose at midnight and took my son from beside me, while your servant slept, and laid him at her breast, and laid her dead son at my breast. When I rose in the morning to nurse my child, behold, he was dead. But when I looked at him closely in the morning, behold, he was not the child that I had borne.” But the other woman said, “No, the living child is mine, and the dead child is yours.” The first said, “No, the dead child is yours, and the living child is mine.” Thus they spoke before the king.
1 Kings 3:17-22
Solomon is faced with a seemingly difficult situation. While both of them know their own child, and therefore they both know who’s child is alive, each person says the other is lying. They are a few thousand years off from having a DNA test to resolve this issue!
The only solution in this case is for the King to find some way to get these women to reveal the lie. Not an easy thing when the liar believes it is to her advantage to maintain it!
The Answer
Then the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son that is alive, and your son is dead’; and the other says, ‘No; but your son is dead, and my son is the living one.’” And the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So a sword was brought before the king. And the king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.” Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.” Then the king answered and said, “Give the living child to the first woman, and by no means put him to death; she is his mother.”
1 Kings 3:23-27
When confronted with one person who is honest and another who is lying for gain, Solomon knew that the one in it for dishonest gain would be pleased with any resolution that got her something while the other wanted to see the most just solution available.
Solomon clearly had no intention of actually killing the child, but by threatening that, it exposed who was in it for herself and who was primarily concerned for the child.
Death of Compromise
Today “splitting the baby” is sometimes used as an idiom for a compromise in which both parties walk away disappointed with the result. In the case of Solomon, such a compromise was not reached and, in fact, was never truly even on the table. However, in many cases, people do not exercise a wisdom like Solomon and such compromise is not only entertained but often seen as the best conclusion available.
The more such destructive compromises are implemented, the worse life becomes for everyone. Dishonest people walk away with something that is not even beneficial to themselves and at a cost to those who are honest.
Sometimes, a solution can be reached in which both parties can walk away happy with the result. In those cases, compromise may be the just answer. However, it is often the case that there is no way to shuffle things around to the benefit of everyone.
Compromise is seen as a virtue regardless of context. However, when the compromise is to “split the baby” it can actually be a great evil.
Solomon’s Wisdom
We can learn something from Solomon here. In a case where one (or both) sides of a disagreement have motivations different from those they have given, we need to draw those out first. Often times, we can do this by paying attention to the shifting of stories when they believe they are offered new opportunities.
I have seen parents apply this principle of wisdom very well. In one case, a child had come up to her mother to complain that the other kids were playing too rough. Her mother asked her if she was also playing rough and is just now deciding to tattle on the others. The child denied that she was also involved.
Eventually, the mother reframed the questions she was asking the child, giving a charitable sounding reason for why her daughter may have felt it was okay to play rough with the other kids as well. At this point, her daughter explained that she was, in fact, also tackling kids but only because of the reasons the mother had provided.
What this mother had done was expose that her daughter was lying about the situation, because she was more than happy to jump that the chance to justify the behavior she had previously thought she had to deny entirely.
We should remember this lesson and seek to draw out the lies behind the stories people tell in this way. Sometimes, when offered different outcomes than those originally hoped for, a liars eagerness to adopt other solutions can reveal their true motives.
The more people are willing to change their story in the face of alternate opportunities, the more certain you can be that they were not forthright in their intentions.
Present Easy Wins
Like Solomon (or the mother in my example above) it can be helpful to provide people with hypothetical alternate paths to victory to see if they stay firm in their conviction or if they’re willing to shift their story in pursuit of the new chance to win.
Don’t get swept up by those who seem to have a good reason you should side with them no matter what your concerns. Instead, pay attention. Are they more than willing to compromise reasons they’ve previously given when they see you may be open to other (especially contradictory) reasons instead? This is a sure sign that none of the “reasons” that they’re giving you are actually a reason they believe. Instead of them presenting convictions that you ought to share, they’re simply tools they’re trying to employ to manipulate.
A great deal of our modern compromises happen because people lack the wisdom to see through such deception. It can seem that both sides of a matter are either both equally right or wrong when you take them at face value. However, when you’re on the lookout for shifting stories, sometimes one side is clearly the one simply saying what they believe will win their case while the other is actually operating in good faith.
And know that God has promised always to give wisdom to those who pray seriously for it.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:5-8
