When “Nice” is Evil

A nice person can be very appealing. Obviously, nobody wants to be around someone who is mean, but beyond that a person who is nice goes even further out of their way to make us feel happy. Because of this, we naturally have a desire to be around nice people as much as possible.

However, being nice can be a very terrible thing. This may be a shocking statement for some. After all, we should treat others how we wish to be treated. Shouldn’t that mean we should always strive to make other people feel good?

Niceness as a Veil

Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 26:24-28

This text is a dissection of flattery. It is about gracious speech founded in dishonesty. While his words are uplifting, it is not according to truth. Instead, they encourage the hearer to ruin! Stroking a person’s pride appeals to their flesh. In that sense, it may make them feel good but, not being according to reality, is just setting them up for a fall! It is setting a trap for them. As a warning to those who would attempt it, the verse addresses how the trap eventually backfires on the person with wickedness in his heart and appealing words on his lips.

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naïve.

Romans 16:17-18

We see here that false teachers and those who seek to subvert the church and cause division have flattery as their modus operandi. They weasel their way into the hearts of the naïve with cheap words in order to mislead them. We are called here specifically to be on the lookout for those who would manipulate us with deceptive words that appeal to us for the wrong reasons.

May the Lord cut off all flattering lips,

    the tongue that makes great boasts,

those who say, “With our tongue we will prevail,

    our lips are with us; who is master over us?”

Psalm 12:3-4

David took flattery very seriously. With a few smooth words, these people thought to achieve anything they set out to do. David, however, hopes that God would remove the lips that sound great but not in accordance with the truth!

Right Kind of Nice

In some cases we have seen that kind words can be a candy coating on a poison pill. This is perhaps more the case now than ever before, as people seek comfort at the expense of truth while considering truth itself a subjective concept. If that’s the case, how should we act?

If our motivation is to manipulate another person, any words are wrong. As Paul discusses in 1 Corinthians 13, words without love are of no positive value at all! When the Bible encourages us to kindness, it obviously doesn’t mean cheap words that appeal to man’s desire to be affirmed in every desire they have. Instead, we ought to encourage only the good in others, and even rebuke a brother who is in error (which the wise will count as a kindness).

We should also be especially wary of those who approve and encourage us in things which are wrong. We live in a very connected world. It’s common for people to communicate with others without knowing literally anything about them. In these situations, it’s impossible for those exchanges to be done out of love, because nobody has taken the time to learn enough to properly care for the other.

While that connectedness can still be useful for exchanging information, it is a very poor environment for receiving good encouragement and legitimate kindness. Be careful with the words you use and the words you take to heart!